Sharanagati

(from a talk on man’s roles with Swami Tirtha, 13.08.2018, Ludashto)

Today our session is about certain aspects of man’s life. And I’d like to ask for some contribution from you, so if you have some topic, question or suggestions to start with, it’s easier for me to comment on that.

Ramvijay: My question is what is the duty or what are the most important things a husband has to do in order to have his wife satisfied?

Swami Tirtha: You ask about the impossible.

Ramvijay: Sure. But I think we aim for the impossible anyway.

Swami Tirtha: This is a spiritual practice. If I knew, maybe I would have taken a wife. But as I don’t know, better I refrain from this experiment. Yet, to be more serious, I think there is a short-term and a long-term alternative for solution. The short-term is if you try to satisfy her on the platform of demands. Which will work for some time, but later on it will just burn out. So, when you try to serve her happiness, it’s a limited process. But when you try to search and serve your own highest and spiritual fulfilment, and then you try to share that with a real partner in life, then in the mid- and long-term it will definitely serve to her benefit and to her satisfaction as well. The first version looks like a very simple and easy way, but it is limited. The other is very complicated and very subtle, but therefore I think it works for more profound achievements and on a more penetrating platform.

Many think that happiness is a goal. I think this is a mistake. Happiness is not a goal, it is a consequence. My reading of the story is that we are not strong enough spiritually, therefore we are weak on all other levels of our existence.

But it is true that for Krishna, for God Supreme, the impossible is very much possible. This is unfortunately true for illusion as well. Because illusion works so hard, so effectively that it also acts in the same manner – what is impossible, she will make it possible. What do I mean? For a soul it is impossible to forget about her own spiritual identity. And illusion makes it possible that you forget. So it makes the impossible possible and therefore the way out from this labyrinth must be the same: strive for what looks impossible and then slowly, slowly it starts to manifest and becomes possible.

Many times I have quoted to you a wisdom that what men think about women fills up libraries, but what men know about women is a small notebook with empty pages. So it’s a mystery, but not the ultimate mystery. Because in the spiritual sphere there are some more inviting and challenging mysteries as well.

There is a beautiful story about Dhanurdas. He is a spiritual practitioner. And he is a real man. He is fully enamoured with his wife, who was a charming lady, a very beautiful lady as well. Especially her eyes were so nice that Dhanurdas was always gazing into her eyes. Do you know that feeling? If you look into the eyes of someone and you feel the depth, you feel the spiritual power coming from them – it’s a magic power. Dhanurdas was so enchanted by this beautiful vision of his wife that he wanted to always look into her eyes. In India usually the man goes in front and the lady is following. But that means you don’t have your eyes fixed on your wife, right. So Dhanurdas was in trouble, therefore whenever they were walking out on the street, he was turning his face towards his wife and he was walking backwards. Because he wanted to enjoy the beauty of the eyes of his wife. One day they were walking on the street like this. And Ramanuja Acharya, who is also a man, also a spiritual practitioner, and also a lover, well… maybe on a different plane, he saw this vision: a guy walking backwards and observing the wife. He was fully surprised. He approached Dhanurdas and said, “What are you doing, my dear son?” And Dhanurdas said, “Oh, pranam, Swamiji! I’m observing my wife.” “But why?” “Because her eyes are so beautiful that I cannot give up looking at her.” They happened to stop in front of a temple. Ramanuja observed the lady and said, “Hmm, alright, no doubt – nice.” But then he told to Dhanurdas, “But come, I will show you something more beautiful.” Dhanurdas of course was a little reserved. But Ramanuja showed him a beautiful Vishnu deity with exceptional eyes and then Dhanurdas said, “Yes, Guruji. This is more beautiful than my wife.” So he started to become a devotee, a disciple.

So isn’t it impossible that you could walk on the street backwards, staring at something beautiful? It is impossible. Yet this amazement due to beauty makes it possible. And is it possible that something goes beyond our concept of beauty? It is possible. Just here, while taking our prasadam, somebody asked, “Why Krishna?” I said: “Because He is the most beautiful”. So we have to upgrade our concept of beauty.

But to put a long story short: if you become more spiritual, I think you can satisfy all the other necessities of life in a more proper manner. You can be in love, you can admire beauty, but if you meet the ultimate beauty, if you meet the ultimate authority, then submit there.

I truly appreciate your question, because “How can I serve the full contentment, full satisfaction of my wife?” – this is the answer. Serve. Service mood is the key. If you take this opportunity as a service to the female principle, then you are on a very spiritual platform. And without the female principle we can hardly achieve success in life, neither material, nor spiritual.

(to be continued)