Sharanagati

(from a lecture of Swami Tirtha, 07.01.2017 morning, Sofia)

I see men, and also women, when they enter a family relationship, they can develop nicely. Very nice qualities manifest, their life starts to expand, they take more responsibility – so it’s an upgrade, it’s a big step in life. But certain things people don’t know when they enter a family relationship. In our tradition it is said that when you marry, you exchange your karmas. Not everything, but some part. In the marriage the man shares his positive karma with the wife, he gives half of his merit to her. Therefore, my dear brothers, if you want to find good partners, collect more merits, because you will have to share. And what is the contribution of the wife? The wife will also give half of her collected things – the troubles. We all have problems, we all have collected some stupidity, right? Of course both parties should develop spiritually and morally – but basically this is the transaction. Therefore the husband should be very strong and very meritorious in order to carry the burden of not only himself, but of two lives, two personalities. Therefore it is not suggested to have many wives, because to carry so much burden is not human. It’s not for enjoyment, it’s for responsibility. It’s divine if we can take care of more people. Like Krishna, He can take care of so many ladies.

So, when we join our lives, we make a deal: we share our fate. That is another part of the relationship – that we rely on each other.

Baladev: Gurudev, I have heard that in every family there are problems, and today I understood the reason. The husband receives much more negative qualities, taking half of the bad karma of his wife, which he has to compensate with less positive qualities as half of his good karma goes to the wife. I feel this is out of balance.

Swami Tirtha: No, no, no, this is not like this.

Baladev: I try to understand. My question is what qualities should the husband develop?

Swami Tirtha: This is the point – in this exchange don’t focus on the other side, focus on your side. Sometimes it happens that you don’t receive anything from your wife, because there are no mistakes there – she is so pure, so spiritual that she doesn’t give you any burdens. But even then we can qualify ourselves more and more to share spiritual benefit with our partner.

As I told you, if we join our lives, then we share what we have. To share our karmic burden – positive or negative doesn’t matter – it’s a mutual responsibility. And ladies have one very strong, very good capacity – consulting power. Therefore this is the duty, and only the duty, the blessed capacity of a woman – to turn a house into a home. It’s a big difference! The only thing the wife needs is attention. So if the husband pays enough attention, then family peace is maintained. I hope now the gopis’ section is satisfied; and then I might come with the only one request of the gopas’ section. Don’t forget about them, because they also need only one thing – and this is appreciation. Only this! If you are a clever wife, you will appreciate your husband. Then everything is nice. Then the goddess and the god are there – because everybody is satisfied.

So, sharing our responsibility, the compassion that ‘I don’t mind how much is the burden. I’m ready to take care of that person for the rest of my life’ – this is the commitment of a husband.

(to be continued)