Sharanagati

Doubts are good old friends. Isn’t it, they always return. Sometimes a progressive devotee says: “Everybody leaves me! Only my bad desires stay with me.” And we can add that “my doubts are always visiting, returning back.” But by mercy you can overcome doubts. Sometimes we doubt: O, this process is so beautiful, it’s so high – it’s not for me! I’m so crude, I’m so basic, I’m not polished enough to practice this! But then by extended loving invitation from the devotees we can overcome our small tiny doubts.

At the end of “Bhagavad Gita” Arjuna says: “I am ready to act according to Your instructions.” Actually this is the explanation what does it mean to doubt, to have doubts. This is when you are not ready to act according to His desires. When you try to act independent – that means you have doubts.

Now we are talking about the elementary platform of Bhakti, Sadhana Bhakti. First we have to understand that He is the boss. This is the process that Arjuna was taking: from the doubt of “Hey, my friend, I have an idea, I will escape from this fight”, he came to the conclusion that “I’m ready to do ANYTHING that you say!” Such a good teacher is Krishna! To train the pupil in such a way that he is ready to do anything! And actually once there was a spiritual master and he said that “Well, my level of educating you is that you should be ready to do anything, anytime.” This was the qualification to enter that circle.

You should remember the percentage of your surrender. Fifty-fifty? Fifty for Krishna, fifty for myself? Or how? If we want to enter a higher circle we have to give full dedication. It doesn’t matter if it is not coming all of a sudden. But you can give three and a half months for yourself. First day you start with 1%. Second day 2 %. And after three and a half months you come to 108% surrender. Permanently you should grow. Every day a little bit more, every day a little deeper! And finally you can come to that level: “I am ready to do anything. Now I have no requirements from You, Krishna, I‘m Your servant, I’ll do anything!”

Then again this divine impulse is coming. Then you start to revolt again – after some time. Because first we understand that we should be very obedient servants of God Krishna. But later you understand that there are not so obedient servants of God also, who are very highly qualified! Then again a divine moha is coming to you – to forget you obedience! To be able to fight for your rights! To say “NO!” to Krishna! These are difficult moments. We have to fight for that.

But anyway, this is another chapter of devotional life – when again you oppose Krishna, but now on a different level. Only for His sake, only for His higher satisfaction. And what is the source of this opposition? It’s again mercy.

We should correctly and truthfully adjust and identify our level. Until you are on the basic maha-maya forgetfulness, then don’t try to show that you oppose Krishna on the yoga-maya level. To put it very simply: first we have to put the crown on Krishna, to understand that He is God. And when HE is ready to put off His crown – then you are in a more intimate connection already.