Sharanagati

(from a lecture of Swami Tirtha, 09.05.2019, Sofia)

(continues from the previous Monday)

What is the success of a family man? Success of a family, of course, is the spiritual growth. But the fruit of a relationship between a husband and а wife is the child. In order to achieve that fruit, you need to embrace your wife. But don’t forget to embrace the female principle as well. It’s not only your wife, it’s the principle that will bring the fruit. Do you see the depth of the whole story? It’s not a physical relationship, it’s a spiritual plan, a spiritual service. 

It’s the same for the ascetics – their fruits will come from the female principle. They have to embrace the female principle, but they shouldn’t embrace the female. Because then all will happen nicely; otherwise, not. 

But to face the brutal realities of life: one time we had a meeting, it was like a friendly talk. Some doctors, journalists, writers – different kinds of occupations were there, practically representing a very good standard, a good cross-section of Hungarian society. And none, none of them was living in a harmonious family relationship. Including me – but I have a license. That was a very shocking experience for me – the mainstream representatives of our society are all broken into pieces. That’s very bad! Therefore, we need to work for some higher achievements. Whether you are a family man or not, let’s work for the success of institutions like marriage – and renunciation as well, which is also an institution. 

Kripadham: As you mentioned this story with your Hungarian friends, it seems the order of renunciation somehow is in harmony with this female principle.

Swami Tirtha: Hopefully.

Kripadham: Could you please give some suggestions to family men how to achieve this harmony with the female principle? 

Swami Tirtha: Oh, it’s called sannyas.

Comment: No woman, no problem.

Swami Tirtha: It’s not simply a joke. It’s a jolly topic, of course, everybody has something to say about it. But one remark I’d like to have – this is dignity. If you are a dignified person, you will have dignified behaviour and then you will have dignified relationships as well – friendship, family, whatever. Quality will invite quality. So, if you want to live with a goddess in your home – or let’s say, a demigoddess – then you have to become a demigod yourself. Then you can meet a demigoddess; otherwise not. If you don’t qualify yourself, how do you expect that others around you will qualify? So, I think the first thing is to raise your own standards. It is said, beyond a certain limit we don’t go under a certain limit. Certain types of actions, reactions, behaviours just simply don’t exist. So, this is our job – to raise our own standards.

And the other is wisdom. Wisdom. Because it is said, if you are too sweet, people will swallow you easily. But if you are too bitter, then they will spit you out very quickly. So, we need to provide a bitter-sweet taste. Again you smile, but it’s true. Don’t be a cheap guy. And also, don’t be a cheap girl. That’s step number one. 

And actually, this is philosophy. You know, all the Indian snacks are highly overdosed with spices. If you read on an Indian snack ‘mild’, don’t believe it. But they have a special one, it’s called kutamitta. And kutamitta is according to our philosophy. Because kutamitta is actually all tastes included – a little bitter, a little sweet, a little like this, a little like that. And it is mentioned in the Chaitanya Charitamrita – kutamitta – to include all the different possible tastes of divine love. 

So, I don’t propagate these Indian snacks, no. I’m talking about high standard philosophy. In our daily activities also, we perceive and we exchange so many different relationships. Sometimes you are very sweet, other times you are angry, etc., etc. The entire mix is there. And if you expect that your partner will take your mix, you also have to accept her mix. So wisdom, in another sense, means that you approach things properly, you give proper respect. And sometimes you keep a proper distance, other times you bridge the gap. 

Dignity and wisdom – I think it helps to raise the standards of any human relationship. And if you remember this kutamitta, all the different tastes included, I think you will understand that this is life. If in this marketplace we buy only the material snacks, the bitter will predominate. But if we buy the spiritual stuff, we can have kutamitta – all the different tastes in a harmonious way.