Sharanagati

(from a lecture of Swami Tirtha, 06.01.2018 morning, Sofia)

(continues from the previous Friday) 

Question of Mathuranath: Maharaj, maybe it’s a tricky question – who loves more, father or son. Maybe we should ask: who is more ready to serve? Once I was listening to a lecture and it concerned friendship: “Who can be called a real friend? And do you have somebody to whom you are such a friend?” The answer for me was smashing. To say that you are a friend of somebody or you have a friend, the other one should be ready to sacrifice everything for you; and are you ready to sacrifice everything for him? Love is sacrifice, self-sacrifice. I apologise for this, but this was on my mind and I decided to share it.

Swami Tirtha: Correct. Maybe we cannot say ‘better’ or ‘more’, but we love each other in a different manner. Another big question in any relationship is if there is total balance between the feelings. But usually they are imbalanced, usually one party is more affectionate to the other than vice-versa. Somebody is very important for you, and you don’t have the same feedback. There is a mantra about it: “I know that I am only one of the many for you, but you are the only one for me.” Is it bitter when we say so? No, it’s not. Because at least we have one focus.

Paramananda: Even if that is some relief, still it is bitter.

Swami Tirtha: You see, that is not unconditional, because you want to posses the other party’s attention fully. Which is natural and therefore I said that unconditional love is a theory! We want the other party, ‘I want his or her company’. It’s not that ‘I want her to go here and there. No, stay here!’ What kind of unconditional love, that’s bullshit. Anyway, my conviction is that the possessive love is the highest. But nobody understands this, so I don’t speak about that.

But in parenthood due to your position as a father or mother you have to take responsibility, no doubt. This is one feature. And the children should follow. Still, these days there are websites which will educate children to exercise their right, to understand their rights. Six-seven year-old children to be educated about their rights. And there are organizations to support their rights against their parents. Who will educate them about their duties? How can you dare to speak about rights without telling about the duties? Without the duties there are no rights, sorry. If you don’t perform, what do you expect? Of course, please, fathers and mothers, remember when you were young, because usually we repeat what we wanted to avoid.

Therefore we have to take example from Nanda Baba and Mother Yashoda. They are good examples. Usually the father is more strict and the mother is more mild to the child. But what do we see in Nanda Baba and Yashoda Maya? Sometimes she is very strong and he is very lenient. She is taking the stick and chasing Krishna. This never happens with Nanda Baba. What does he do? In the morning, when Krishna is rushing to take care of the cows, he will ask: “Have you taken your breakfast?” Because Krishna is late in the morning. Do you know that feeling – when you are running after the bus? So Krishna is also late in the morning and therefore He is rushing, but Nanda Baba stops Him and says: “My dear son! Have you got something to eat?“ “No, no, no. I don’t have anything,” says Krishna. “Then take mine!”

But you know, although in India in general they cook very spicy, nevertheless they cook less spicy for the children. But this is the chapati of Nanda Baba and it is spicy. So when the kids go out to the pasturing grounds, they let the cows go here and there, and they sit to eat their breakfast, then Krishna will taste it and say: “It’s too hot!” Meanwhile, what is the mother doing? Always chasing and chastising, and educating, and doing this, and doing that – it’s very difficult to tolerate.

Yashoda: But her food is sweet, not a spicy.

Swami Tirtha: Yes, all right. After this romantic intermission, let’s go back to philosophy.

(to be continued)